Comments on: Who Wrote the Book of Love?

By: Back to Their Future « Mothering21

Back to Their Future « Mothering21 — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 04:30:42 +0000

[...] a book club of young mothers in New Jersey (among them, my former babysitter) shelved its regularly scheduled programming to have an anxious summit on how they may have already [...]

By: Vivien Orbach-Smith

Vivien Orbach-Smith — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 05:04:07 +0000

Far be it from me to go head-to-head with my esteemed friend and rabbi, Hanoch, who clearly outranks me in the parenting, grandparenting and matchmaking departments (and countless others). To clarify, however: I didn’t see the babysitter’s parents as abdicating. Had she not come to her senses that this young man was not right for her (and I chose not to go into the details, partly because I didn’t want to violate a reader’s privacy, and also because, frankly, I don’t exactly remember them)… I don’t think her parents would have stood by silently – and I certainly don’t think they would’ve bankrolled. What I thought they did brilliantly, early in the romance, was to state their case forthrightly, planting the seed of doubt and disapproval in their child’s mind, without OVER-reacting – i.e., immediately demonizing the BF, whipping up a Romeo and Juliet/it’s-us-and-our-misunderstood-love-against-the-cruel-world frenzy. (Which was kind of how it went down with foolish me and ["Won't-You-Marry-Me"] Bill.)
But what’s a parent to do when a child stays hellbent on buying those hurting shoes? That’s a different scenario than the one I chose to examine in this post. Perhaps more readers will weigh in on it with words of wisdom and/or tales from the trenches. HT, thanks for commenting,

By: Hanoch Teller

Hanoch Teller — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 03:41:04 +0000

As always, Vivien tells a beautiful tale, teaching me a few words (that even Mr. Webster doesn’t know) along the way. Alas, what to do, if parents see a disasterous relationship forming and they have not dropped a time-relased metaphor/analogy along the way?
Me thinks that parents must internalize that the best spouse for their children is what is best for them, and never create a dynamic that the child will chose to spite the parent. But what if the child maintaines that what is best for her is disasterousky suited for her? I do not believe it would be prudent for the parents to adopt the hope-for-the-best approach of the parents of Vivien’s babysitter.
Even after reading their child their Miranda Rights, they still do not have the privilege of abdicating under the rationalization, “I’ve done all that I can do?” There are no shortage of analogies to invoke to convey this idea, for I think we all understand that a a parent may not remain silent as they sanction and bankroll hurting shoes.

By: Elisa Swiller

Elisa Swiller — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 17:08:57 +0000

beautiful – I hope I can remember your great insights…