Adult daughters and Care giving
Many baby boomer moms care for ailing adult parents, often a difficult task, made even more trying if the relationship is strained.
In “Female Caregivers Face Heavier Toll,” U.S. News and World reported on a Canadian study which found, not surprisingly, that daughters suffer more than sons when the relationship with an ailing parent deteriorates.
A psychologist quoted in the article made an interesting point about how the lifelong relationship between mothers and daughter impacts the care giving.
“The quality of the care giving relationship often is dependent on what the relationship was earlier in life,” said Barry Jacobs, a psychologist in Springfield, Pa., and a spokesman for the American Heart Association. “If you’ve had a bad relationship with them and felt victimized, then suddenly you’re asked to step up, that care giving role may seem like a revictimization.”
Gen Y: Shaped by Parents and World Events
She points to two influential factors in particular: horrific world events and the parental “cocoon.”
Events such as terrorist bombings, including 9/11, and school shootings from Columbine to Virginia Tech have deeply impacted Gen Y. Ms. Erickson writes,
For many, living life to the fullest—now—has become an important and understandable priority. A sense of impatience—I prefer the word immediacy— will be the single most salient characteristic defining this generation throughout their lives and not something they will “outgrow.”
As for parents, all those affirmations, and trophies and helicoptering has resulted in a closeness not seen by other generations
Today, Y’s and their parents share many common interests, from movies and music to recreational activities and charitable concerns. The result is a generation of young adults who like and trust not only their parents, but most of the older adults in their lives. “Their connection to their parents is deep and strong,” says Middlebury College psychology professor Barbara Hofer. “They say, ‘My parents are my best friends.’ People would have seen that as aberrant a generation ago, as pathological.”
Get the “Kids” Out of the House
Financial Planning Professor Robert O. Weagley offers some good advice on how to get your boomerang kids to move out in How to Teach Your Kids to Become Financially Independent
…reduce the advantages of your child remaining at home. It may seem harsh to ask them to pay rent, utilities, or part of the food bill. It may be difficult to get them to take on the responsibilities of home; such as cooking, cleaning, and maintenance. Yet, if you have to push them out of the nest, you must. Make sure you live your lives and stop centering your lives on your adult children.
Questions about Health Care Law and Adult Children?
An excellent New York Times blog Prescriptions provides answers to many of the myriad question about health care.