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I meant well!!!!!

Dear Answer Mom: I visited my son and daughter-in-law recently and I’m very upset. They’re both young, in their 20s. I stayed in the house while she went shopping and while she was gone I opened the refrigerator and noticed that it really had some food that needed to be thrown out and the shelves needed cleaning. I thought I would help and cleaned out the whole refrigerator getting rid of some spoiled food and washing the shelves.

 I meant well and I really thought I was saving her some work but when she came back and looked in the refrigerator she turned on me and was furious like I did some terrible thing. I think she’s really wrong in not thanking me instead of being so cold to me now.  After all I didn’t steal her jewelry by just going into a refrigerator and cleaning it out. What did I do that’s so wrong?  –Millie
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Dear Millie: You didn’t just go into a refrigerator. You went into a deep freeze. You may not have stolen her jewelry but you stole her self esteem, her pride, her confidence. She felt humiliated. childish, embarrassed and criticized!

Okay–I meant well–some of the most ineffectual words in the English language. Always, try, if possible, to put yourself in the others’ shoes before “meaning well” or otherwise. Think how you would have felt if your mother-in-law had come to your house shortly after you were married and cleaned  things. (okay all you smart-alecs, it’s not true that you would have loved it). Anyway, Retrouvez d”autres casino jeux de Machines a sous similaires a The Bees. you want a good relationship with online slots her so swallow your pride, apologize for upsetting her and find things to admire her for as often as possible.
 
Dear Answer Mom: All I’m hearing these days from my friends whose children are recently married is all these divorces taking place. I’m beginning to think common sense could probably prevent a lot of these divorces. What do you think?   — Al
Dear Al: I think it could probably prevent a lot of these marriages also.
 
Dear Answer Mom: I saw your column at my parents’ house and since this concerns them I thought I’d ask your advice. My girlfriend and I are from two different major religions. We’re getting married in the fall. Neither one of us is particularly religious and we don’t care who officiates at the ceremony but our parents care so we don’t know which religion to marry in. Is there any special way this is done? Is it the bride’s choice since her parents are paying for most of it? –Steve
                                        
Dear Steve: It’s not a matter of who pays more but of who prays more! If one family is more religious than the other then that should be honored. However, more and more today, a combination of clergy from two different religions will agree to officiate together. That might be your best arrangement. After all, with the good wishes of two major religious groups it should be a heavenly wedding. Good luck.

Questions for the Answer Mom?  Send them to Helen Oxenberg, MSW, ACSW at helen@mothering21.com

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