Dear Answer Mom: How much are we expected to cater to our grown children’s wants? My son wants to park his very big truck in my driveway while I’m away for the winter. I have an arrangement with a plowing company that will plow the driveway when the snow reaches a certain depth. I think the truck will be in the way and they won’t be able to do the work so I said no to my son. He got very angry at me and said he doesn’t want to have a relationship with me any more. I’m very upset about that but also about the fact that he has my only grandchild and he’s divorced and I only get to see the child when he visits my son. How to handle this? — Feel like a Hostage
Dear Hostage: Surely you’ve heard of “hostage negotiations.” Two suggestions: 1.Allow the truck to be parked onlinesverigecasinon.com in your driveway only until the first big snow. After the plowing he can put it back until the next big snow. 2.Point out to son that it’s hard enough for his child to be part of a divorced family and that the more love he can get the better off he’ll be. That’s where Grandma’s special, one of a kind, unconditional love has no equal. And oh, one more thing. Tell your son that whether he’s friendly to you or not his child can be his passport to a visit in that warm place where you’re spending the winter. Good luck – hope you’re a good negotiator!
Dear Answer Mom: There are certain dishes that I’ve always cooked that my son always loved. He married recently and I know his wife is not interested in cooking and never makes anything complicated. I’m invited to their house during Christmas and I’m wondering if it would be insulting to her if I made these dishes and brought them to their house so he could have the food he loves. I don’t know if I should just make it and bring it or say something to her first or not bring it at all. What is the right answer? –Agnes
Dear Agnes: “Not bring it at all” is the right answer – at least not yet. First, invite your children, (son and wife), to your house for your food. Then ask your daughter –in-law if there’s something you can bring to the Christmas gathering that will be helpful to her including any food she would like you to make. Allow her to make suggestions and follow those suggestions. It may be that your son will have to eat your food at your home when invited because what you think is better for his taste buds may not be better for his marriage.
Questions for the Answer Mom? Send them to Helen Oxenberg, MSW, ACSW at Helen@mothering21.com.