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Weekly Reader 5.23.11

After  Graduation, Parents Still Support Adult Children

Forbes.com reports that 59 percent of parents still provide financial support to adult  children who are out of school. Many parents believe that their adult children are facing more difficult financial pressures that they did in the 1960s and 1970s, especially with the recession and record-level loans for college tuition.

The online poll of 1,074 U.S. adults—non-students aged 18 to 39 and their parents—also found that “among the parents offering financial support 43% say they are ‘legitimately concerned’ for their kids’ financial well- being, and 37% say they have struggled and don’t want their children to struggle too.”

The types of financial support:

  • Housing: 50%
  • living expenses: 48%
  • transportation costs: 41%
  • insurance coverage: 35%
  • spending money: 29%
  • medical bills: 28%
  • emergency money: 19%
  • loan assistance: 16%
  • credit card debt: 10%
  • down payment for home: 7%

Help needed

A writer for a  blog called “Broowaha” caused me  to recall a conversation with a friend at the gym. The friend’s daughter was in law school and having a difficult time with school and her boyfriend. The daughter regularly  called around 10 p.m. and did an “emotional dump” on the mom, leaving her tossing and turning with worry.  By the next morning though the daughter was usually emotionally better while the mother was exhausted from lack of sleep.  It got to the point that the friend’s husband urged her not to answer the daughter’s calls.

The blog writer, “Askcherlock” from Pittsburg, gets similar calls from her adult children lamenting about (at the moment) terrible marital problems. Breaking her own rule of non-interference in children’s marriages, Askcerlock sometimes offers her home as a refuge for a few days.  She hears nothing until:

Then suddenly, three days later, a text appears saying, “We’re fine, Mom. We talked. He loves me. Thanks. Love U.” That’s it? Hey! I just spent several sleepless nights agonizing over your excruciating pain, internalizing it, and all I get is a damn text? My reactions are so mixed and I realize that I have broken my own rule. I got involved.

Parenting is a continuum. Adjusting to it regarding your adult children, especially in this day of families being separated by miles, is difficult. Of all the careers I have had parenting, by far, is the most difficult. Is anyone else going through this? Any advice would be most appreciated. I need some sleep!

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