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Selling the Family Home, The Crazy Boyfriend, Living Together

Dear Answer Mom: I still live in the same house I lived in before I got divorced. My children grew up here and they like to come back to it on holidays and whenever they have time. They don”t want me to sell it because they like the memories.

It makes me very sad though and keeps reminding me of better times. I”m afraid if I sell it I won”t see my children much and that scares me. I keep going back and forth with this. What do you advise? –Undecided

Dear Undecided: Sell! Your children”s memory lane runs right through your ghost town. It may be pleasant for them to look backward once in a while but looking backward all the time has got to cause a pain in the neck! Explain to them how difficult this is for you: how it keeps you from moving on with your life and how important their visits are no matter where you live. Tell them to leave the ghosts there and take their memories with them. Move out and move on! –The Answer Mom

Dear Answer Mom: My daughter, in her mid-twenties, was very hurt when she broke up an intense relationship. Now she”s going out with a man who some friends of mine know a little, and they think he has a weird sense of humor and is a little different. My daughter thinks he”s very funny but she”s evidently the only one who laughs. My friends tell me he”s got rocks in his head. I don”t know what to say to my daughter.

Now my sister-in-law is com ocksa en extra specialbonus, i form av 20 free spins pa Twin Spin, nar du gor din forsta insattning!I ovrigt har Karl Casino http://s4gambling.com/se/ da och da tidsbegransade erbjudanden, till exempel vad galler free spins. telling me I should advise her to drop him. She”s been lonely for a while now and she says he never does anything to hurt anyone and she has a great time with him. My friends think I”m wrong not to pressure her to give him up before she gets hurt again. Should I listen to them or what should I say to my daughter? –
Kate

Dear Kate: As long as the “rocks in his head” match the holes in her head it can work. Tell her to give it plenty of time to make sure those rocks won”t hurt her. Then, if she”s still laughing tell all the critics that she”s lucky to have found someone with the right rocks. –The Answer Mom

Dear Answer Mom: For the last 10 months, my 20-year old daughter has been dating another student at the community college they both attend. He lives on his own, and his grandparents pay his college tuition. They’ve decided that next year they are “going to their next college together.” Her grades have been medium and his a little lower.

It is his first real relationship and she goes from one long-term relationship to another. They want to live together at their next college. My husband and I are against it. We are not against living together per se, just not at college especially since neither one is a great student. We are not sure whether to tell her we won”t pay her tuition if she does this against our judgment. Do you think we should do that? –Worried

Dear Worried: Tell her because you love her and really care about her future you will continue paying tuition but you will not pay the living expenses if they refuse to listen to your advice and insist on living together. Since they are not great students they each need solo time to do their work without being distracted by togetherness. If they live together they will have to get part time employment to pay their own rent. Hopefully, they will both graduate with degrees and then, of course, where they live and with whom and who pays for it is up to them. –The Answer Mom

Problems? Want answers? Ask THE ANSWER MOM Email Helen Oxenberg, MSW,  at Helen@mothering 21.com or email helox72@comcast.net

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